As we were getting ready to leave South Africa a few weeks ago, my prayer was that whatever our ministry in Ecuador would be, I wouldn’t let it feel like a step backwards. In Johannesburg we walked through squatter camps sharing the word of God with people who oftentimes had never heard the name of Jesus… our definition of ministry there had set the bar pretty high, but I knew it was ultimately up to me to carry what I learned into wherever I went next.
Our ministry in Ecuador has already wrecked me. I posted a little bit about it in my last blog, but I’ll go ahead and refresh your memory really quick! My team is working with Camp Hope, a day care for kids with disabilities of all kinds. On our very first day, the nurse in my room gave me instructions for something to work on with one of the kids: to shuffle her feet around in a bowl of uncooked beans, and massage her feet with lotion, to remind her of different textures. I thought it was the weirdest thing ever. I sat on the ground holding this girl’s feet and shuffling them around in the bowl for 20 minutes or so, and I just about cried… I couldn’t stop thinking to myself, “wow, I really just went from evangelizing in Africa to this… Why am I here?” For a few days my mind was stuck in this place and I felt so defeated. I was confused why I had been placed in this ministry. I had just built up such a confidence in sharing the gospel over the past few months, and I was so proud of myself and SO ready to use it… And then there I am, working with people who can’t even understand most of what I say, and who can’t respond when I talk to them… how frustrating. For our whole first week of ministry this was exactly how I felt. I love the kids with my whole heart but working at Camp Hope was not at all what I was expecting, and I caught myself constantly wanting something different.
Over the weekend after those first few days, I sat down and decided to ask the Lord a question: Why do you have me in this ministry? I sat on it for a few minutes, and then suddenly I started writing down words that weren’t my own: “let me take you back to the basics of being my disciple: love and service.” Okay God, whatever you say. I will serve you as best as I can, and I will choose to pour out the love you have shown me onto others.
Working at Camp Hope every day has given me a completely different definition of what it means to have a servant heart, and a completely new understanding of what it means to NOT make ministry about me. The following Monday I carried this new mindset into the new week, and began focusing on serving wholeheartedly no matter what the task may be.
It’s not always easy, but now I offer to brush every single kid’s teeth and clean them up after lunch, no matter how much of it ends up all over their faces.
I hold their hands while we sit in the park, no matter how much drool or sticky mango juice is on those hands, because I know they love it when I do it.
I sit and feed them at lunchtime, no matter how messy my own clothes get, and even if it takes two whole hours for that one little girl to finish her soup.
If I’m asked to wash a kid’s dirty feet, I pray over him/her while I do it… even if they pull my ponytail into the foot water. LOL.
It’s not about whether I’m comfortable. It’s not about whether I got what I wanted. It’s not about me, and it never will be.
BUT, I will let working with these kids teach me. This season is without a doubt teaching me to be patient…. like when that one boy won’t stop spitting up his mushy mango on my favorite pair of pants and I just need him to swallow it. It is teaching me to grow in grace, to not be upset when the girl I’m feeding at lunch that day throws her soup across the table and I have to get her a new bowl and start over. It is teaching me to LOVE no matter what. This season is taking me back to basics, and is teaching me the true joy of serving.
At first I was frustrated that this was going to be my ministry in Ecuador. At first it did feel like a step backward. But in reality it’s exactly where I’m meant to be. I can’t even grasp how much love the Father has for those kids, and the most important thing I can do is love them to the best of my ability. THAT is what ministry is all about. I’m learning more and more how to serve from a place of love, rather than just knowing this is what I’m supposed to do. And trust me, these kids make it pretty dang easy to love them.
Praise God for putting me in a ministry that at first I didn’t want, but that I now know my heart so desperately needs.
