During our training for the world race, we learned about the different “zones” we might find ourselves in while on the field: They call them the A, B, and C zones.
The A zone could also be referred to as the “honeymoon” stage, where everything is new and exciting and you just want to soak up every second. The C zone is the phase you encounter probably a little later in your race, when the reasons why you’re here are made clear and you learn to make the most of every second no matter how tough it can be. And yes, you guessed it, the B zone is the (somewhat ugly) in between. You’ll find yourself in the B zone when you realize how exhausting this life really is… when you’ve gone way too long without seeing the faces of the people you love, you just need some rest (preferably a 72 hour nap), and you realize how many more months you still have ahead of you. All that’s difficult about this crazy new life hits HARD. It’s not a short term trip where you live it up and work hard for a couple weeks then go home to process and rest, it’s your LIFE now, and there’s no escaping the tough stuff.
Jeffrey’s Bay was the A zone for me… showing up to a new place and starting this new life with the entire squad was so thrilling and we all felt on top of the world!! But then my team moved to Johannesburg, and for some reason that’s when it hit me that I’m in this for the long haul. Ministry here is so different and so challenging… Way tougher than I thought it ever would be. This is the B zone.
Don’t get me wrong, I am learning so much more here than I would be if I were still in the comforts of my home and in western culture. But here, when things get hard or stressful, I can’t run to my bedroom and lock myself in, I can’t go for a drive to get away and take a breather, and honestly I can’t do much at all to get away from this busy life. No matter how many Sundays we have off from ministry to be able to sleep a little longer and reflect on the previous week, I’m still in Africa, I’m still living in crowded community, and I still won’t touch US soil for quite awhile. A “break” here doesn’t feel much like a break at all, does it?
But here’s my honest thoughts on this place called the B zone: Yes, it’s tough and often times pretty ugly, but I am unbelievably thankful for it. It may not feel like it every day, but I AM THANKFUL. Why? Because I know that this means He is breaking me down to build me back up His way. I am learning so much through all of this. I’m thankful that ministry is challenging (even though that’s probably not the answer I’d give you in the moment haha), because if I were still living that new and easy life in JBay, I wouldn’t have learned nearly as much about myself. Here in this season of questioning, wrestling, and a whole lot of worrying, I’m hearing from God more than I ever have before. He has so much to speak into my life here and now. When I’m challenged in ministry, I have to face the things that are holding me back. And when our ministry is literally going out and sharing the love of Jesus with strangers, I have to make sure my heart is in the right place to do that. Our entire time spent in Johannesburg so far has been just that; figuring out how to get myself into the right heart posture to pour out into others, without being held back by my fears or the lies of the enemy.
So here I am, in the B zone, and it’s not easy. BUT, I’m choosing to rejoice anyway, because He has me here in this season for a purpose that I might just not be able to see yet. He is going to walk me out the other side of this valley with so much new knowledge about Him, and about my identity in Him.
Recently one of our hosts here at Impact Africa asked me this question: “what is the only requisite for resurrection?” Then after a long pause he said, “you have to be dead first.”
So even here in the most challenging circumstances I have ever experienced, I trust that He is rebuilding and resurrecting me. Even here in the B zone, I will rejoice because He’s never left my side and He never will. I may be in the winter now, but a rich harvest is coming on the other side of this.
Here are some lyrics from one of my favorite songs of all time, lyrics that I am praying over myself during this time.
“Though the winter is long, even richer the harvest it brings.
Though my waiting prolongs, even greater your promise for me like a seed.
I believe that my season will come.
I can see the promise, I can see the future,
cause you’re the God of seasons, I’m just in the winter.
If all I know of harvest is that it’s worth my patience,
then if You’re not done working, God I’m not done waiting.”
(From “Seasons” by Hillsong Worship!)
And one more VERY important thing: if you haven’t seen that beautiful fundraising bar at the top of my blog page recently, it’s FINALLY FULL!! I am FULLY FUNDED! These past 11 months (wow that’s a lot) of fundraising have been filled with ups and downs. I found myself constantly worrying about where it all was going to come from, but the Lord provided and laid it on so many peoples hearts to give. $16,600 later, I can not tell you all how grateful I am for each and every penny. That’s a LOT of money people!!! You are INCREDIBLE!
If you still wish to donate to help me cover monthly expenses here, like groceries, transportation, or even the opportunity to spend our off days doing something fun, feel free to venmo me! My username is @rpolcyn 🙂
Thanks again for everything you all have done to support me, whether financially or in prayer. And THANK YOU for reading another blog post. You all mean the world to me. More soon! 🙂
-Reagan
